Journey to Peace: Four Decades of Advice to Me

In less than a week I’m turning FIFTY: The Big Five-O! That’s five decades, half-a century, 350 dog years, and some might suggest "over-the-hill." Honestly, these days I feel more on top of the hill.

In a word, I feel AWESOME!

But I only feel this way because I’ve learned from my not-so-awesome days and have overcome mistakes as well as obstacles placed in my path—and there have been plenty. Every day I continue to move forward. It’s called progress.

I can’t wait to see what the next ten years have in store for me, but if I could go back in time, I’d like to offer a bit of advice to the previous four decades of “me.”

TO THE TEN-YEAR-OLD ME: Read. Read stories. Stories in books. And read for pleasure (not just assignments). Read stories that will transport you into other lives and worlds. If you can’t get “into” a story within the first few chapters, close the book, and find another. Oh, the beauty and brilliance of the public library system. Your favorite “flavor” (genre) of book will be as easy to find as a favorite flavor of ice cream. There’s something for everyone.

I struggled throughout school in remedial reading classes, and at every grade level because I didn’t read well (because, well, I didn’t “pleasure” read). And heaven forbid I should be called on in class to read aloud. It is a less-than awesome--more-like humiliating--experience for the non-reader. I honestly believe that my true education in life didn’t start until I began reading for pleasure. And this didn’t happen for me until I was well into my twenties. Who knew all the doors it would eventually open? They lead to different places for different people, but always in a positive direction.

TO THE TWENTY-YEAR-OLD ME: Slow down. Breathe. Analyze. Relax. Plan. And last but not least, enjoy the moment. There is no rush. I promise that your Happily Ever After will still be down the road tomorrow, but will be so much easier to attain if you take a little more time in planning your future.

I could proceed to name 101 things I rushed in my twenties. And yet that old saying, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, really is true. I can’t go back and change the past, and to be honest, some of my greatest blessings sprung forth in spite of difficulties in my life regarding rushed decisions. We can, however, learn as we go. The author James A. Owen said, “Sometimes a catastrophe is only a course direction.” Catastrophe is a pretty strong word, but if I find myself amidst one, you better believe that I’ll be heading in another direction the next day.

TO THE THIRTY-YEAR-OLD ME: Believe in yourself. Go after that dream. Just do it! This is the perfect stage in life when preparation meets confidence.

I began to recognize my potential in my thirties. I honed my skills in several areas and put them into action. My most significant accomplishment came in my late thirties when I wrote my first full-length manuscript which became the first of eight published novels. This is pretty amazing when you consider the fact that by the time I’d graduated from high school I’d only read maybe three or four full-length novels—all but Jaws (the only title I remember) were required reading from school. I know the ten and even twenty-year-old me never-in-a-million-years might have envisioned the thirty-year-old me as a published author.

TO THE FORTY-YEAR-OLD ME: Be true to yourself because at the end of the day, if you don’t have this, you don’t have anything. Truth has been the universal topic of many. Buddha stated, Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth. With experiences gained in the twenties and thirties truth becomes the natural progression of the forties. The words of Jesus read: And ye shall know the truth, and the truth will make you free (John 8:32). At this stage in my life, I can honestly say that my “truth” found me. For everyone this will be different. A more evolved person may simply notice a sense of peace setting into their life.

And this brings me to today and THE FIFTY-YEAR-OLD ME. All I want in my life today is peace. Due to the fact that I still have five minor kids at home, an external peace is pretty hard to find amongst teenage squabbles and busy schedules. My internal peace, however, is felt in my relationships with those I love, and my understanding of who I am.


Tamra Torero is Wife to Paco, Momma to nine, Grandma of three, Bakery Manager, author of Shayla Witherwood: A Half-Faerie Tale and co-author of a Christmas novel,The Lost Son, with her son, Preston Norton. Aside from achieving total peace and tranquility in her fifties, she would also like to vacation in Hawaii, learn to play the drums, and become a "star" for the sole purpose of competing on Dancing With the Stars.

Getting Back in the Blogging Saddle

I took a leave of absence from blogging for a few weeks while my momma was in town from Idaho, and now I'm having a hard time getting back in the blogging saddle. Recently this little game has floated around Facebook, and since I spent way-too-much time trying to figure our my responses to it, I'm going to use it as my transition back into blogging. Enjoy...

I had two friends give me the number 10 (yes--TEN!!!) for this little game (thanksalot Kim Underwood Olson and Julie Ezola Hyde!) :)

Stuff about moi...

1. Let's start at the beginning. I was almost born on the Golden Gate Bridge (so the story goes if my mom is telling it). We lived in Napa, but my hospital was in SF, thus Mom's (and my) near-birth experience on the GG bridge.

2. When I was a kid, I wanted to marry The Fonz when I grew up.

3. If I was stuck on a desert island and was only allowed two things, I'd have to choose Chapstick and diet Coke. It is, what it is...

3. I've watched the movies Becoming Jane and Miss Potter more than I'd like to admit.

4. I can eat any food on this planet except for sweet potatoes. Just the smell of them makes me wanna Ralph.

5. Between steps, halves, and wholes, I have 10 sisters, and 3 brothers--for reals.

6. I'd rather be dancing...

7. Growing up, I thought I wasn't smart. In reality, I was lazy. I failed senior composition in high school (or should I say, gave up the last semester of my senior year), but went on the get A's in college English classes. I have 8 published novels for children and teens.

8. I like my chili with crackers (or crackers with my chili).

9. I have this secret wish to form my own rock band with Paul McCartney on bass guitar, Prince and Lenny Kravitz on Lead guitar, Phil Collins on drums, Billy Joel and Elton John taking turns on piano (because who can choose?), and me playing a mean tambourine. Lead vocals??? No idea... :)

10. I firmly believe that happiness is a choice...and I choose happy.

Tamra Torero is Wife to Paco, Momma to nine, Grandma of two, Bakery Manager, author of Shayla Witherwood: A Half-Faerie Tale and co-author of a Christmas novel,The Lost Son, with her son, Preston Norton. If she were pressed to come up with a number 11, it would be that her greatest desire in life is to be a stay-at-home mommy/writer...and BFF of JK. Just sayin'.

Wigging Out

*This post was previously published on another blog (which is now in blog-heaven), so I'm re-posting here because #1, It's an issue many women (and a whole lotta men) are facing and #2, my mommy is flying in from Idaho this afternoon, so instead of writing today, I'll be cleaning my house!

Today's topic: Wigging Out

Okay, I'll just say it. I have a wig. There. Done. (Whew.) And not only do I have a wig, but she has a name--Suzy. Why the name, you say? I dunno. Maybe because I feel a little like a different person when I'm wearing Suzy--a little like I'm part of the witness protection program. Not even my friends recognize me in Suzy, and to be honest, I don't really wear her all that often. But before you start thinking that my life is mysterious and exciting or something, I need to explain one more thing...

I have a condition, and for simplicity's sake, I'll just refer to it as female pattern baldness. I started noticing that my hair was thinning in my late twenties. Up until then I had really great hair. Like Goldylocks and Rapunzel great. But as many things in this life, the Good Lord giveth, and He taketh away. My "great" hair started to leave me, and what I was left with was very thin.

Now I can think of quite possibly a hundred-and-one other body parts that I'd like to be thin--my thighs, for example. Or my stomach. How about my upper arms! (Why, oh why not my upper arms?!) But my hair? No woman wants thin hair. Ever.

It got so bad and I was so distraught about my thinning hair, that about five years ago I went to a hair-transplant place I saw advertised on TV and told the doctor that I wanted the surgery. Go ahead--sew hair into my scalp. I've been through natural childbirth more than a half-dozen times. I've had a gallstone the size of your average kiwi removed from my body. I know pain! As a matter of fact, I'd endure just about any dose of discomfort (notice I say discomfort rather than pain because I certainly have no adverse convictions against great pain medication at this stage in my life) to have a full head of hair again.

Well, the kind doctor informed me that due to the extent of my hair loss, I simply wasn't a good candidate for hair transplant. Chances were that if they took hair from the back of my scalp and transplanted it on top, it'd just fall out again. BUT (they said, with a great sense of hope in their eyes), the minute hair cloning is approved and passed by the FDA (or some such regulatory committee--all whom I'm sure have full heads of hair), I can come on in and have the best strand of my hair cloned, and they will sew those puppies right into my head and I'll have a full head of hair again.

"Will you call me?" I asked.

They laughed. "Oh goodness. We can't call everyone when this happens." (Apparently I'm not the only one with sucky, non-transplant-worthy hair.) "But when it does, it'll be all over the news. Trust us--you'll know!"

I cried the entire way home (and for the record have yet to see a news report on hair cloning. C'mon scientists, government regulators, and media, in general! For the love of all-things-thin, will someone puh-leeze make this happen and then inform me when/if they hear about it. There's at least one middle-aged woman in Texas who needs this procedure. But in the meantime...

...I had to come up with an alternative to Suzy. She's great for church, I suppose, or some fancy-schmancy occasion (not that I have many of those). But the fact of the matter is that I get migraine headaches all-too easily, and Suzy is a migraine magnet. Can you say vice-grip-secured-with-metal-objects to my precious remaining hair follicles? Yup--ouch. Mostly, the wig just isn't worth the possible headache it will give me. Oh, and did I mention that I live in Texas (Houston, to be exact). Now, it's true that there are plenty 'a Texan folk who like their big hair. But me--I'd rather not wear a "fur cap" in Houston's hellicious summer heat that happens to last 9 months of the year.

So what's a thin-haired girl to do?

I've found that if I color my hair very blond, it has a camouflage effect, and the scalp isn't as noticeable through my color-treated hair. Also, because the real problem area is the top of my head, I pull the back locks into an up-do with a clip. I suppose it's the female version of the comb-over. It's the best I can do with what the Good Lord has left me with.

If I want to connect with my inner Farrah, I have Suzy (and a dose of Excedrin Migraine) to help me out. And, truth be told, it can be a lot of fun (check out my red-dress pic). But I, as a person--a woman--am not defined by my hair, or locks or coiffure or mane or tresses or lack there-of. Sure, I've had my weak and insecure moments, but what purpose does that serve other than to send me into a chocolate-induced coma. No thank you. My "thin" happens to be my hair, which at the moment happens to be in a bleach-blond up-do. And for the most part, it beats wigging out!

Tamra Torero is Wife to Paco, Momma to nine, Grandma of two, Bakery Manager, author of Shayla Witherwood: A Half-Faerie Tale and co-author of a Christmas novel,The Lost Son, with her son, Preston Norton. Oh yeah, and the other "joy" about thinning hair is that when you go to the beach, you get to play pirate dress-up and wear a bandana on your head. "Aaaarrr, matey!"

Confessions of an Introvert

I have a confession to make…

I’d rather text you than call you (with email a close second)…unless our relationship is close enough that mauling you in a huge bear hug would be neither awkward, nor icky for either of us. (I’ve been known to do this on occasion.)

With the exception of attending concerts with my sweetheart, I’d rather hang out at home watching movies, reading, or just chilling than head out to a big social event (with the exception of my high school reunions. Even I can manage stepping out once every ten years to see these dear friends, and was super bummed I missed our thirty last year).

On my break at work, one of my favorite things to do is to sit out in my car (Um, yeah... Sounding more hermit-ish by the second). Sometimes I go out for a little 30-minute nap, but often just to unwind from the frenzy of the store. I have to be at my social peak while at work, whether dealing with my customers or employees. Those 30 minutes of solitude relax and renew me on so many levels. It’s kinda like getting a massage to my psyche.

I can speak to groups of 500+ with no problem (and have done it dozens of times without fainting, throwing up, or sounding like a complete and total idiot…I think), but I’d rather skip the small talk which inevitably comes afterward…and unfortunately is unavoidable. Not so fond of the mingling concept, but do it when necessary.

I am married to Mr. Social--the life of the party--and I LOVE this about him. I’m so okay with letting him “represent” for the Torero Family in that realm. He is my other half, and does the extrovert thing very well--one of the bazillion reasons I love him so much.

Although I currently work in a very social situation as a bakery manager (and love and NEED, and thank my Father above every day that I can bring in this much-needed paycheck), my ideal working situation would be to turn this writer gig into a full-time thing. Yup—sitting at my computer…at home…alone (well, as much alone as you can be in this house) making up stories. Jobofmydreams! It’ll happen. Watch me…

 

Yup…I ‘m an introvert…as well as Abraham Lincoln, Emma Watson, Elanor Roosevelt. Christina Aguilera, J.K. Rowling, Michael Jordan, Gwyneth Paltrow, Harrison Ford, Charles Darwin, David Letterman, Bill Gates, Courtney Cox, Albert Einstein, Mahatma Gandhi, Laura Bush, Rosa Parks, Audrey Hepburn, Warren Buffett, Roy Rodgers, Candice Bergen, George Stephanopoulos and one third to one half of the population.

Maybe even you.

 

Tamra Torero is Wife to Paco, Momma to nine, Grandma of two, Bakery Manager, author of Shayla Witherwood: A Half-Faerie Tale and co-author of a Christmas novel,The Lost Son, with her son, Preston Norton. If she had a dime for every time someone said, "I thought you were shy...till I got to know you," she'd throw a huge party with lots of cake and ice cream...and make sure there was really good dancing music so she could dance instead of chit-chat.

From the Mouths of Moms

Sometimes when I open my mouth, my mother comes out…

I read this statement the other day and couldn’t stop grinning…partly because my momma is coming to visit from Idaho a week from today and I’m so dang excited, but mostly because it’s just so true.

I have become my mother!

Now, knocking on the door of The Big Five-0 (gulp), the similarities are a little eerie (or wonderful), depending on my mood, and how much I’m missing my momma, I suppose.

Mom gave birth to seven kids. I’ve given birth to seven kids.

Mom raised two step-daughters since they were very young, and who have always known her as “Mom,” and I’m doing the same. The other day I threw that silly old question out to Paco (because I always love to hear the million different ways he answers it): How much do you love me?

This time, his response nearly brought tears to my eyes: I love you so much, not only because you are my beautiful wife and I know I’ll grow old with you by my side, but because you have become a mother to my girls—someone they can always depend on and who is always there for them. I have to admit, the role of step-mom has re-defined this whole motherhood gig (read Anatomy of a Stepparent), but I can’t imagine my life for one minute without the addition of these two girls. And once again, I follow in my momma’s footsteps.

Growing up, Mom said many things I didn’t agree with…or didn’t want to at the time. Now, all these years later, it’s amazing how often I open my own mouth, and hear my own mom:

·         (Spoken as my sister and I were about to strangle or mortally wound each other) When you two grow up, you’re gonna be each other’s best friend. I HATED when Mom said this. At the time all I cared about was turning my sister into applesauce (physically, emotionally, or both). Now I’m the one singing Mom’s song. My two oldest daughters heard this from me for years and are now incredibly close (told you so). The youngest three are still in the throes of “applesauce” production. As for the relationship between my own sisters—READ THIS.

·         Kill ‘em with kindness. Mom offered these words of wisdom often, but most notably during a brief period of time in junior high when I was being bullied by a particular group of girls in one class. Mom went on to say, “Don’t let them bother you. Act like nothing is wrong, and pretty soon they’ll forget they’re even trying to bother you.” So I did. And they did. And when my own kids have met with a similar crisis, I’ve offered this same advice, further explaining, “These kids trying to bother you only have as much power as you give them.” So far, so good.

·         Kid Me: “But Mom, It’s not faaaaaiiiiiirrrrr…” (generally referring to one of my siblings getting or doing something that I wasn’t getting or doing and always said in a whiney voice. Mom (always calm and cool and matter-of-fact): Life’s not fair. I have to admit, I hated it when my mom said this, and it’s one of my favorite Mom-isms today…because, well…it’s just true. I’d like to think my follow-up to this statement is something like, “so be grateful for what you have,” and I’m sure at times it is. But it also might be something like, “so get over it already.” I'm a work in progress.

There are a million more ways and reasons why I’m like my mom, but I hope the reason by which my kids remember me the most is that I love them with all my heart, which happens to run at a 900% capacity—a strange phenomenon I learned by who else, but my mom.

 

Tamra Torero is Wife to Paco, Momma to nine, Grandma of two, Bakery Manager, author of Shayla Witherwood: A Half-Faerie Tale and co-author of a Christmas novel, The Lost Son, with her son, Preston Norton. She has grown up to be what she's always wanted to be--a mom (with New York Times Bestselling Author being a close second...and not YET achieved).

Surviving Adolescence--Female Style

Can there be such thing as an adolescent girl expert? I doubt it, but I’d like to throw my hat into the ring with some thoughts on girls. After all, I’m “well practiced” when it comes to the psyche of the adolescent female. First off, I was one (or as some might say, I’m a survivor). Dickens, in his classic novel, A Tale of Two Cities, accurately sums up the memories of my teen years—It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. I look back with selective fond memories, but wouldn’t return for a million dollar check hand delivered by Mr. Darcy himself (okay, I’m a liar…but this would never happen, so back to my point). Wouldn’t. Wanna. Re-live. Period!

Further endorsing my girl-expert credentials, I was raised in a household of seven sisters (my brother, Rob’s personal estrogen nightmare). I am also the mother of five daughters, ranging in age from 11 to 26. And for the cherry-chapstick on top, the main characters of seven of my eight published novels are teen or pre-teen girls (okay, one is half-faerie, but she’s a female adolescent half-faerie).

However you want to look at it, I know a thing or two about the mind of adolescent girls.

And in case you were wondering how we even classify the boundaries of adolescence, it’s a little sketchy. One online dictionary defines it as, a state of development prior to maturity. Goodness! With this definition, I know some forty and fifty year old adolescents (including myself at times). For all intents and purposes, let’s just say, 11 to 26—the ages of my own female posterity.

So here is my profound thought on girls…

Being an adolescent girl is both wonderful and difficult. (I know--deep!)

To quote my friend Dickens again from where we left off: it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way.

Okay…well, maybe that’s taking it to the extreme, but for some, I’d venture to say not. With the ups and downs of not only a maturing body, but a maturing intellect, adolescence is simply TOUGH!

So if I could impart one simple truth to my daughters and to all females—one bit of information to carry through life, to lift you up and empower you, and to make it all better at the end of a really long day—it would be this:

You are a daughter of God. Royalty. A princess! Not the tiara wearing princess, but a legacy bearing princess.

Wear this title with pride, and live up to your divine legacy by showing and giving yourself love and respect. In doing so, you will attract those into your life who will return this love and respect. They will see your true value—some have said which is far beyond rubies. This value--your value--can never be measured in a number (a GPA, a weight on a scale, an IQ, an income) because you, My Dear, are not only a Princess...

You are Amazing.

You are Adored.

You are Creation At Its Best!

and

YOU ARE PRICELESS!

Tamra Torero is Wife to Paco, Momma to nine, Grandma of two, Bakery Manager, author of Shayla Witherwood: A Half-Faerie Tale and co-author of a Christmas novel,The Lost Son, with her son, Preston Norton. Though never a prom queen, or homecoming princess, or even barn dance queen (yes, her high school had one), she has worn the Burger King crown on many occasions and considers herself a survivor of adolescence.

The Whole Wheat Entrepreneur

During my teen years, many of my friends got their first jobs. Some went to work for McDonald's while others found employment at the local grocery store. Admiring their newly acquired cash-flow, I was eager to join this jingling-pocket club. But I had something else in mind—something more…me. I was going to start my own business—be an entrepreneur like my mom who owned and operated her own family day-care center in our home. Mom was her own boss—she set the rules and determined her income. I wanted this too.

So after looking into several possibilities, I dove, hands-first (literally) into a business I could do from home. I started my own bread-making business. Mom had a wheat grinder (and a seemingly endless supply of wheat), a bread mixer, and a killer 100% whole-wheat bread recipe to boot. How could I go wrong?

Before you could say, show-me-the-money, I’d taken out an ad in my town’s local paper and was in business. By week’s end I had a few orders. Beyond excited, I was mentally polishing the cherry red Camaro-of-my-dreams which would soon be parked in front of my house.

Life was good.

Saturday came--bake day--and with mom loosely hovering, I got busy. But baking bread took way longer than I’d ever imagined (that dang dough was incredibly sticky). Mom, and even The Little Red Hen, made this bread baking thing look way easier than it was. Not only that, but it sucked up the better part of my one-and-only Saturday in the week.

Before sunset I’d delivered all four loaves of 100% whole-wheat bread to my customers and had roughly eight dollars in my pocket (and I don’t recall hearing a single jingle). Mom, in her mercy, didn’t charge me for the cost of the ingredients, or even the gas to deliver my goods, but she sure-as-heck made me clean up the horrific mess I’d made in her kitchen (the woman has her merciful limits and a kid-induced mess was one).

This same scenario continued for only a few more weeks. I never renewed the newspaper ad and never attracted that customer loyalty necessary for ongoing orders (which, honestly, was okay by me). My bread-baking business fell flat and I moved on to my next teenage adventure— house-cleaning if I remember right (never mind that I had trouble keeping my own bedroom clean).

That cherry red Camaro was never parked in front of my house.

But…I never lost that fire within to build a business, to be my own boss, to set my own goals, dreams, and expectations.

Over the years my entrepreneurship has delved into many directions. I’ve had many home-based businesses (one of which kept my very young family in food an entire school-year while my ex-husband finished college). In the past decade or so, I’ve focused my entrepreneurial endeavors towards my writing, publishing a newspaper column, eight novels, and now this blog. At this time, I also work a day-job (still trying to keep my now-not-so-young-and-much-larger family in food) ironically, as a bakery manager, overseeing, among other things, the baking of some very delicious 100% whole wheat bread. My entrepreneurial mindset and work ethic, applied to my position as bakery manager have helped build sales percent increase into the double digits over last year. Needless to say, my boss is very happy.

But am I happy?

I’d have to say that I’m a work in progress. I have an amazing husband who is my best friend. I have nine beautiful and healthy children. And every day off from the day job, I spend writing--creating--because this is my passion.

Some might call this craziness, but I like to look at it as Terry Orlick, world-renowned leader in the applied field of sport psychology, mental training, and excellence, and a former gymnastics champion and coach. He sums up my feelings perfectly:

“The heart of human excellence often begins to beat when you discover a pursuit that absorbs you, frees you, challenges you, or gives you a sense of meaning, joy, or passion.”

My heart beats every day…for my family, and for my writing.

They are my passion.

What is yours?

Tamra Torero is Wife to Paco, Momma to nine, Grandma of two, Bakery Manager, author of Shayla Witherwood: A Half-Faerie Tale and co-author of a Christmas novel,The Lost Son, with her son, Preston Norton. She has eaten many 'a loaf of 100% whole wheat bread over the years, but none as delicious as her mom's.